In my opinion, I believe that people today don’t value simple moments or even objects as much as they should. With that in mind, simple moments like the feeling of hot water running down your body when you turn on the shower, are not praised and noticed as much as a store bought item like your favorite necklace or bag. This has been upraised when I came to the thought of not having either of those things, what life would be like, and realized, people today truly don’t value those little moments that can make our lives happier, better, and memorable as it comes by.
The ball rolled in front of my body as I was sprinting down the field. Quickly and with ease, I cradled the ball and started dribbling down the field. Looking for an open teammate, I dodged the opponent before they knew I went by them.
Finally I saw one of my girls in her orange and black jersey calling “Ball! Ball!” Pivoting slightly just to get my aim just right, I pulled the ball back with my stick, stepped, and slapped the ball diagonally across the field hockey field. Luckily, I made the perfect pass and kept running. The ball was moving quickly down the field. I noticed my teammate was in need of a support and I cut to the ball making myself as an option. I was so close to the goal and just feet away from the pass. The ball came back to me and without thinking, passed it back and the ball flew into the goal. The final point went up on the scoreboard. We won! The tigers swarmed us around the goal jumping with excitement. Eventually we calmed down and shook hands, congratulating our defenders of their great effort but the feeling inside us was still boiling with exhilaration. Nothing could replace that feeling of accomplishment and strength of putting that ball in the net.
It was close to ten o’clock by the time my eyes finally opened and I was awake. My feet touched the floor before my body could react to waking up. In maybe, a quarter of a second, I had my slippers and sweatshirt on running downstairs yelling, “It’s Christmas!” Dashing down the stairs, I missed nearly half of the steps but kept my balance.
I remembered what I had asked for and hoped it was in one of those boxes. I saw it hiding under the tree. Ripping the paper off, I knew what it was instantly. My new Ipod. It glistened in its square case; I hoped it would since it hadn’t been touched yet. I broke the band that was keeping it together as I undid the box to release the Ipod from its holder. Ignoring the other presents waiting to have the same feeling of being opened, I sat in the corner just praising the silver object. The screen reflected my wide eyes just before I pushed the button to turn it on. The 30 GB, silver and white, never before touched Ipod came to life as the screen lit up with the push of the play button. It was all mine now and ready to be put to use.
I adore both my Ipod and that feeling I still remember of winning. Mostly in different ways but there are a lot of similarities of how much I love both. My Ipod keeps me sane and makes me move just by playing every type of music you can think of. When my feelings get in my way, I turn it on and my mind is back to the way it should be. That feeling of winning is similar because when I’m on the verge of breaking down and the sensation of losing comes over me, the last winning goal makes me forget about all of those harsh feelings. In my opinion, I do think I could live without my music player, but life just would not be the same without the art of music in my ears and the same with that winning accomplishment. I don’t think life would ever be the same without the works of luck and skill when it comes to winning however; I value the fact that I have that. Also, I try my hardest whenever I can to keep that winning feeling in mind during games and even practice.
Even though there is the chance of breaking or losing my Ipod, or losing a game, I still value both of these things since there isn’t much that can match to the feelings two give me.
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6 comments:
1. The author doesn’t really feel that people today value moments or objects as much as they should. Also the author feels that objects bought in stores are now more prized than thoughts memories, or daily routines. She feels that the idea of memories has almost faded away, because they are washed away by all the thoughts of the new objects people could own and use.
2. I feel that the memory of the field hockey game was most clearly and vividly described. I feel this way because she described how she dribbled down the field with the ball very well. “Finally I saw one of my girls in her orange and black jersey calling “Ball! Ball!” I picked this Quote because it stuck out how she described her teammates jersey, and how her teammate, asked for the ball.
3. I feel the overall strength of the essay would be writing style. I liked her writing style because all of her sentences flowed, and it made the essay easy to read and very understandable. I also liked her description, I felt it helped the essay flow.
4. I feel one piece of advice your essay could use would be that you should recheck it for spelling and grammatical errors, as well as misused words. Other than that I feel you did a very good job Juliette
1. The author in this first paragraph is talking about how she values everything. She is saying that everything she does and gets, weather its another hot shower or a new bag or any other nice gifts, she will value it and be happy that she got the chance to get it.
2. Between the two objects, i thought that the field hockey game was very descriptive and i think she did a very good jb. One sentence that really popped out to me was "Pivoting slightly just to get my aim just right, I pulled the ball back with my stick, stepped, and slapped the ball diagonally across the field." When i read this sentence, i could picture it perfectly in my mind.
3. I thought the best part of Juliette's essay was description. She used a lot of description and i could picture practically everything that she was saying. I could picture every step she took in her field hockey game and i could also see and even feel her excitement. I think she did a very nice job when describing her feelings.
4. I thought that Juliette's essay was really good. If I were here, i would consider checking for spelling and grammar. Also I think she could have used some more organization. Otherwise i thought it was very good. Nice job, Juliette!
1. The author seems to be saying that people don't value the small moment in life as much as they should. She is also saying that you shouldn't take things for granted, because every little thing is part of life, so you should cherish it, because if it was gone, it just wouldn't be the same.
2. I liked the memory of the field hockey game most. She described how she dribbled down the field, and how she described her team mates and how she passed. the quote i chose is "I pulled the ball back with my stick, stepped, and slapped the ball diagonally across the field." I chose this because it shows the preparation it takes to pass the ball, and it was just well described.
3. One of the essays overall strengths is her use of descriptive words. She describes how the field hockey game was, and also her ipod was also well described and her feelings on Christmas.
4. I one piece of advice for your essay is to check for grammatical errors, as well as spelling errors. Consider how the reader feels when he or she has to read your essay. They might get confused or not understand due to spelling or grammatical errors.
in the introductary paragraph, Juliette is saying how people dont value the little things in life, and how much they can really change a persons life.
i think the memory of the field hockey game was described very weel. i could picture her running down the field and after winning, i could see everyone jumping up and down. a good quote from the field hocky game was ," Pivoting slightly just to get my aim just right, I pulled the ball back with my stick, stepped, and slapped the ball diagonally across the field." i think this is a good sentence because instead of just saying i hit the ball across the field, she described veerything with great detail.
an overall strength in this essay was description/ word choice. i think that Juliette used great describing words so you could picture things in your head. " The screen showed my wide eyes just before I pushed the button to turn it on" wihtout saying that the screen was shhiny, i assumed becasue she was saying she could see the reflection of her eyes. her word choice in this sentence was really good.
if i was to give one piece of advice to Juliette, it would be to check spelling and grammer. other then that you had a very goood essay!
The author feels like people today don't value important things in life as much as they should. She feels that people are not appreciating the little moments in life as much and are letting them slip by without noticing.
I felt that the author described the winning goal in a Fieldhockey game more clearly than the ipod. I feel this because she is describing it well and I could actually picture the scene in my head. "The ball was moving quickly down the field. I noticed my teammate was in need of a support and I cut to the ball making myself as an option" I liked this sentence a lot because it created a scene in the game.
I thought the overall strength of the essay was the word choice. I felt that the author did a really good job of describing her item and momment. I also thought the author showed how meaningful both her moment and her item were to her.
The only suggestion I have would be to check for spelling and grammar. I say this bcause she might have some spelling mistakes in her writing. But overall I thought the author did an excelent job!!!
In this essay, the author, Juliette, is trying to convey that people don't value things as much as they probably should. She thinks that people live more for 'material moments' then anything else. Juliette feels that little moments are the spice of life and that they make your life more interesting.
Of the two comparisions, i think that Juliette's ipod description was the strongest. She used really effective descriptions while tell us about her Christmas morning. I particularly liked how she mentioned that she left her other presents for later because she loved her present so much. I also thought it was a good idea that she mentioned how much she hoped she would be the first to touch it, that makes the essay seem more genuine.
I think that the essay's overall strengths were the opening paragraph and the ipod comparision. The opening paragraph really held my attention. I loved her reference to little moments in life. The ipod comparision was also very good. Juliette used very creative, descriptive language when writing that comparision.
One suggestion i have for Juliette is that she is a little more specific, more so in her first descriptive paragraph. When i first started to read it, i couldn't tell if it is field hockey or lacrosse she is describing. It may not be absolutely vital to the story, however i feel that it might be a good idea to mention what sport she is playing. That way, nobody would have to be distracted from the content of the essay to figure out what sport she is participating in.
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